Sunday, August 10, 2014

Because I'm the Finder. That's Why

I’d like to do a study. The title of the study will be “Can women find things better than men?” I don’t know but it’s always seemed to me that women can find things far better than men can. I have all sorts of theories. I can go back to a basic gender bias that women have found things far better than men because of practice.
Let me spell something out before we go any further. I’m talking about things smaller than a bread box. If men can’t find things larger than a bread box they need their eyes examined. I’ve known men like this. To be fair I’ve known women like this but it’s extremely rare.
Back in the day women had to find nuts and berries for the tribe to survive so I think after thousands of years doing this women have gotten really good at finding small things. This is one theory.
Another theory is that men are buffaloing women. They really can find things but they don’t want to. They know their women are all too willing to leap into the fray to demonstrate their superiority in finding things. If we women simply had enough fortitude to say honey I can’t find it maybe men would get it and start finding things on their own. Of course, you women who take this approach should be aware that you’ll have to endure possible tantrums on the part of your men. They will not like it that you’re not finding what they don’t want to find. The room will fill with curses while they go about looking for the unfindable. Don’t weaken. They’ll eventually find it and they will be the stronger for it.
Back in the day men had to find things. They were things like mastodons and wooly mammoths. These things were bigger than a bread box and imminently findable. They developed sign language, these early hunters, so they could find the thing before the thing found them and they got quite good at it. This proves that they can find things. This supports the theory that they are simply buffaloing us.
And yet the jury is still out. Why just this morning I went out to water the plants and as I rounded the corner Marty called out and said oh I’m glad you’re here. Can you help me find some thing. And because he’s a good guy and works hard at repairing things and such I said yes. I felt he did not need a lesson. Besides he’s practically blind without his glasses. Truth be told he’s practically blind with his glasses so as I approached to find out what was the matter he gave me his glasses and said I dropped a nut. It looks like this but isn’t shiny. He showed me a teeny tiny nut.
When I was young I went searching for Indian arrowheads and artifacts with my dad - who was an unusual man - in the plowed fields near our little Midwestern town. He told me scan the area in front of you for about 100 feet. Look for objects that don’t fit or look unusual. It worked well so I always employ this technique when I’m outside. With 30 seconds I found said nut. Marty said how do you do it? I told him soft eyes scanning for items that don’t fit and walked away. Another example of I’m the Finder. That’s Why.

Can you find the silver screw? If you can find the silver one and can’t find the rusty one scan the photo employing the soft eyes looking for things that don’t fit and you’ll probably find it. If you don’t, let me give you a hint. From the silver screw go one inch to 7 o’clock and if you still can’t find it give me a call. If you’re a man and can’t find it you’re on your own.


  1. I believe I am 'the finder of things' in my household because I pay attention. I see things where they are, then are able to tell when asked. I found both nuts, right off. lol

  2. Another friend of mine had to have numerous hints before he found them. Observation skills are good to have!

    1. Personally I think they leap out at you. I feel sorry for my friend who needed numerous hints.