Friday, November 6, 2015

Exactly What I Mean

"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill

Winston Churchill certainly was a person who would have understood that concept. Being at the helm of the British people during World War II must have been incredibly difficult. Of course, everybody was looking to him for leadership and that was a job where you couldn't just sleep in and not show up for work much less throw in the towel if you felt like it. Indeed, he must have been expected to march enthusiastically from failure to failure and never give up the ship.

We lesser and more fortunate mortals have the luxury of spiraling into despair while spending the day glued to the telly doing absolutely nothing about our situation.

I've been in a zone of doing nothing. I can't seem to get anything done. I made myself start a painting because I got disgusted with myself for the weeks of staring off into space feeling a vague je ne sais quoi whatever. I also haven't been writing up to my normal output level. Nothing seems interesting. It's complete poppycock, of course. This I know. There are more interesting topics to write about than there are hours in the day. I don't know what's the matter with me. All I can do is observe and wait for it to go away. I believe enthusiasm will grace my life pretty soon. It's just around that blind corner. 

Who knows how big it is? The blind corner I mean.

When I inventory my life I see many positive things going on. Even with this blarsted ennui. We're living a light carbon footprint. We grow a lot of our own food and what we don't grow we get from local farmers and ranchers. We're water conservationists. It's of necessity in many ways and yet we bow to the discipline and embrace it without any speck of resentment and denial. We're not materialistic in the sense that we don't consume a lot of "product". We make many of the items we need with materials we have on hand, scrounge or recycle. When we need to buy something we choose wisely and nearly all the time we can purchase used. But when we can't we remember that quality is remembered long after price is forgotten. Then we take care of what we purchase so it will last us a long, long time. We're never sick. Living out here we're not exposed to contagious disease.

Yep. It's all good.

And yet I'm going through a period where I don't feel all that inspired or productive. So I guess I'll just hang with that feeling, not beat myself up and keep one eye open and one foot moving (thank you, Ruth F. S.) so the machinery doesn't freeze up and be harder to start once the feeling passes.

I'm sure you all know exactly what I mean.


  1. Don't I know what you mean.....
    Just taking one day at a time.
    Maybe it is some sign of recuperation? A built in system that lets you wind down, before the next run?

    1. Yes, could be exactly that. The waves come in to the shore and the waves retreat.

  2. My husband experiences these types of feelings in winter months possibly the SAD disorder & now uses an ultra light for this. It does help. If I am just physically worn out from too much, going, doing, etc. I get these feelings & remind myself to "get up, dress up & show up!!" That usually helps. I enjoy your blog. Mary Ann

  3. Thanks Mary Ann. I have wondered about the ultra light. I'm going to look into it. I've always been a person who teeters on the edge of depression but never so full blown as to warrant medication. Exercise really helps me. When the weather changes I don't get out as much and oddly enough being on a ranch I actually get less exercise than if I live in town. There's walking to the barn and such but I'm in a motor vehicle more than when I lived in town. I walked all the time when I lived in a city. Isn't that odd?

    Once when I was severely depressed I decided I would get out and work on something instead of sitting inside and eating ice cream. It worked. But it's tough to make yourself do it. Tough but not impossible. Having the support of friends is key.